Readers and writers and books...

I took a break from stalking watching owls online long enough to have dinner with two of my teacher peeps and attend a book-signing Friday night. Our basketball team was playing for the conference championship at the same time as the reading. Ninth-grade English teacher SC had one of her students ask if she was going to the game, and she said no, she was going to a poetry reading. She said he laughed off and on for the rest of class.  After all, who goes to those things?!

Well, we do. The author is the dad of one of Zane's buds. It is his first book. It is about the underlying theme of lynching in Langston Hughes' poetry. My area of concentration in lit for my MA was African American literature.  Wrote my thesis on Toni Morrison. LKF, there. 

It was awesome. We were blessed to get an outdoor table at a little Italian restaurant. I kept looking for Billy Joel to show up. We chatted about anything and everything. Food was delightful. Tenth-grade English teacher BV could possibly be the funniest, most insightful person I've ever met. I think anyone who knows her would agree.

The book-signing attracted a fairly large and diverse group of people. Dr. Miller had a delightful reading, but knocked it out of the park with his Q & A. BV cracked up the entire crowd with her assertion that modern poetry makes no sense; Langston Hughes is brilliantly accessible to all. Universality. We had a lovely discussion following the reading about how literature is universal, and if the majority of people don't "get it," then it probs isn't literature at all. 

It made me realize how much I have starved my intellect over the past 16ish years since I gave birth. I see more reading and readings in the future. And definitely more lunches and dinners with friends.

Oh! The picture above. If you've ever been to Quail Ridge Books, you'll recognize the wall.  It's in the bathroom.  Actually, every wall in the bathroom is lined with autographed photos of authors who have done book-signings there. I could get only one shot because there was a pretty long line and the reading was about to start. I was trying to use my best Southern manners and get in and out as quickly as possible. Next time, I'll try to get the rest. 

I am off to read a little. I did buy a copy of Dr. Miller's book, but I didn't get him to sign it; the line was long. I figure that since track starts next week, I'll just ask him to sign it at one of the meets, since our kids run together. That's not odd, is it? I'll get to his book soon, but first... I treated myself to another Clyde Edgerton novel. He's my favorite local author. I always end up laughing until my sides hurt when I read his work; he is spot-on in capturing especially older Southern women. If I didn't know better, I'd swear he'd stalked watched my family online while researching his books. 

Spirit Week...

(Photo borrowed from Meg)

Teacher funk...

Apparently 46 is the ideal age. It has to be true; Bill and Lynda said so on the radio this morning. Supposedly we're settled in our careers, comfortable in our families, secure in our finances, and still young enough to enjoy our settled, comfortable, secure lives. Good to know.

Unfortunately, I feel very unsettled.

Or maybe I'm bored.

I don't know.

I have a friend who is continually asking for feedback on his/her teaching via all sorts of social media, and I feel pretty guilty. And tired. I'm just not up to asking everyone to tell me how I'm doing. To be honest, it's all I can do to focus on pleasing my Audience of One. I feel like a pretty big failure.

I've learned lots of lessons this year, though, so I guess that's good. I've learned that I'd all but stopped learning for a while; I've changed that.

I've learned that being a teacher without any kids at home is completely different from being a teacher with kids. As a parent I'm more aware of the bigger picture than I was when I taught before Kelsey was born. Back then I thought that a student's entire world should be academics with maybe a little sports on the side and an optional sprinkling of youth group. Walking through the student years with my own babies, I realize what a small portion of real life those things are. I suppose school is only the tip of the proverbial iceberg. So much more "becoming" in life happens under the surface.

I've learned that kids are beat down on a regular basis. Parents make demands. Teachers make demands. Coaches make demands. Friends make demands. Employers make demands. Almost everyone demands 100% effort, 100% of the time. Almost everyone is telling them they can/should do better. And instead of spurring them on, very often it's beating them down. We're raising a spectacular generation of kids who are perfectionistic performers or rebellious quitters. There are very few who fall in the middle.

I just want to let the kids know that God made them exactly the way He intended to make them so that in Christ they will bring glory to Him. Some kids are academics. Some kids are mechanics. And it's an awesome thing to be either, if that's the life the Creator has written in His book.

I hate feeling meh when I think of my teaching job.

Maybe I should just go back to selling real estate.

End of the week...

It's Friday night, and here's the summary:

I love teaching this year. Wish I could teach four classes every year and still get full-time benefits. That would be cool. But short of that, teaching three writing classes and one English class is ah-may-zing!

My students are funny. Today two of the football players got me going about tonight's game. I was asking if they were ready for it, and they said there was no game. We went back and forth before one said, "We've canceled the game, and we're having a banquet. We're going to eat them alive." Ew... but I get it. Love the passion they have for excellence. They won, 35-14. Proud of them.

Zane's playing JV. Their first game is next week.

Volleyball is underway for Kelsey. She's a serving specialist. It's fun to watch her play. She's had three games so far. Tomorrow, she heads to an all-day tournament. Jimmy's on call, so he can't go out of town. I'm staying here too. We had a little drama earlier over how she'll get home, but a sweet mom-friend offered to either bring her back or have her girls ride the bus, if Kelsey is the only one not riding home with parents.

Zack loves school. His teacher is big on rewarding the kids with prizes... I think prizes and trophies are Zacky's love language (shout out to SD).

Jimmy is enjoying a season of the best of both worlds, working all day and coaching all evening.

Last year I had a tough year because I had a divided heart. I was torn apart by the schedule vs. my idea of what life should look like. It was hard. Very, very hard. Each day this week I have seen God's merciful hand in making my job half-time. I have cooked dinner every night (except tonight, which was a planned treat for the kids). I have done laundry. I have had quiet times. I have straightened up clutter, read books, slept more than three hours a night, and had energy and focus for heart-to-heart talks with the kids in the evening. God's plan is best.

Day 2...

Today rocked. I love my classes. I hope I still love them in a few weeks.

My weakness in teaching is that I love teaching, so I tend to have fun. There's something to be said for the whole "Don't smile until Christmas" philosophy. But frowning and scowling aren't really me. In that I have to rely on the Lord to help me strike a balance between who I am and who I need to be. Still... I wonder if Chuck Norris would be willing to make an appearance sometime around October.

Here's the amazing part about today: I walked out of the building, prepared for tomorrow with nothing to finish up at home tonight. That was a good thing because Kelsey had a volleyball game tonight. She has a volleyball game on Thursday and a volleyball tournament on Saturday. Things are busy.

My happy surprise for the day was when Jason S. stopped by for a visit. I like surprises. He's headed to ASU in a couple of days to start his freshman year. He is going to do great.

So... the 11:00 news is on and I am about to hit "Publish Post" and head for bed. That is very, very good.

Half-time...

So, yeah... I'm starting to feel it.

Half-time. Like part-time, but different. At our school, you have to teach at least 20 hours to be half-time and get benefits (which include a sweet little tuition discount and sick leave and stuff). Part-time has no benefits. It's fewer than 20 hours. I was part-time the first year. Full-time the second year. This year is half-time.

So I'm working on the whole being-thankful-in-all-things thing, after just having rendered a large check to pay the discounted tuition, and here's where my heart is now.

Thanks to a very wise Seasoned Sister who took time to read through some of my previous whining...uh... posts, I am thankful that this year won't be as brutal timewise. At half-time (and because my schedule is what it is) I have time in my school day to plan and grade. I can leave school each day by 1:15, if I need to. I am done on Fridays at about 11am because my little middle school treasures will be in PE. So I can spend time taking care of my babies and hubby with things like cooking and cleaning and laundry, the stuff I couldn't get done last year because I was working nearly 24/7.

And thanks to my momma, who said, "God USUALLY doesn't make mistakes, you know! He knows how much you can handle MUCH better than you!" I am seeing half-time as a blessing and not an obstacle. I see God's loving hand directing my days so that I don't totally melt down. Yes, He is good.

So, I planned menus today and did the "shopping." Even though we are on a little different budget, I'm still doing the Harris Teeter ExpressLane because it's $4.95 in exchange for an hour of my time, and THEY stick to my shopping list where I don't. (Actually, this summer it's only $1.95 to have someone else stick to my list and do all my grocery shopping for me. Sometimes I wonder if they have a secret personal-shopper section of the store. The produce they pick for me is always better than the produce I find when I go there.)

So thank you, friends and family, for your prayers! And thank you, Father, for directing my path.

And then today...

... was another day. No situation changed from yesterday, but it was a different day. I knew it would be different because I woke up praying instead of thinking. Ever done that? It's pretty cool.

Thank you to everyone who prayed yesterday for all the situations and for my heart to find rest in Jesus. It did. I am grateful for your words of encouragement and wisdom too.

What a beautiful thing it is to be part of the body of Christ.

Bad day...

Some days are just... bad. Today was one of those. It started out bad and got worse.

At the end of our opening devotional/talk from the superintendent, he announced that the daughter of two teachers at our school (married to each other) died unexpectedly last night. Everyone was devastated. Anyone who has ever talked to her mom or dad for more than a couple of minutes knows that they absolutely adore their children.

She was 26 and the mother of two little girls, ages 1 and 3. No one knows for sure what happened. There was lots of speculation, but nothing was certain as late as 4:30pm.

Then in a casual conversation I found out that some of our dearest friends are leaving our school to go to public school. Not that I have any objection to public school. (FTR... I believe that God calls different families to different forms of schooling at different times. I have no doubt that they will be where they should be.) I'm going to miss them like crazy. Our school is like family. It's not going to be the same without them.

Then I found out in a Facebook message that my sweet, sweet friend who struggles with a chronic health condition got less-than-comforting/happy news about said condition. I wish so much I could make it go away.

And then I learned that instead of being full-time, I am back to being half-time at school. I was supposed to cover for the school nurse during her lunch and teaching time to help get me to full-time hours, but after an encounter with an upset parent at Open House last night, I realized that I am not in any way equipped to serve as a substitute school nurse. I'd hoped that something else might pop up in its place to make me full-time, but it didn't. So, without the big tuition break, we have to write a BIG check tomorrow. Sigh...

I'm calling it a day.

I needed that...

Monday I walk back through the doors of school. That sounds like I haven't been there all summer. Actually, I've been there routinely transporting Zane home from football workouts, but I carefully avoided the inside of the building for most of the break. I needed this summer desperately. Last year was... BRoooo-Tal.

I did pop in a couple of times last week to put borders and shells (as in sea) on the bulletin boards and hang some spiffy new posters. Will post pics... eventually.

And I've been drafting curriculum for two new creative writing classes all summer.

And I've come us with some new stuff for journalism that should either be really fun or send kids to drop/add in droves.

But other than the superificals like bulletin boards and writing exercises, I've pretty successfully avoiding thinking about teaching. You know... the inspirational kind of thinking you really ought to do to be a good teacher.

And then my sweet Jenn, who is one of the best thinkers (and in general one of the most beautiful human beings) I know, posted a link on Facebook.

Why don't you take a minute to check it out here.

Good stuff, huh? I think I'm ready now.

Thanks, Jenn!

With love...

I love my job so much. My prayer is to love my colleagues and the students and their families in Christ. No paycheck or benefit package will ever be enough compensation for the manic lifestyle of a teacher. But love... that makes it all worthwhile.

I love the fact that encouragement runs rampant on the staff of our school. The other day I was very upset about something at church. I shared it with a friend/colleague. She listened and said, "Can I pray for you?" And right there, in the middle of the day--in the middle of the workroom, she lifted my burden before the Lord.

I love the fact that every single thing we teach is founded and grounded in God's Word.

I love the family of friends we have met through football and the encouragement they have given us to "love-on" our family and friends.

I love that I work with men and women who are deeply burdened for the lives of the students and their families. And that my colleagues invest countless hours in prayer for the kids by name. And countless more hours beyond that exhorting and encouraging the kids as they navigate wisely the tricky waters of the teen years. And I love that I share that burden and the privilege of prayer, exhortation and encouragement.

I love watching the students grow in their faith and their academic achievements. I love hearing them pray for each other and our nation and the tragedy in Haiti.

I love that after years of trying to find a ministry that fits the gifts and calling the Lord has placed on my life, I finally feel like I am doing what I should be doing.

I love that the whole family has a ministry there, too. The kids go to school, I teach at school, and Jimmy coaches. I love that our shared ministry has brought us closer together as a family.

I love that the administration practices love and care for our families. I love the birthday and anniversary cards. I love the quick encouraging words about our kids that come unsolicited from other teachers and principals. And, of course, I love the chocolate that arrives in perfect timing from Mary Z.

I've been praying that the Lord would put His love in my heart. I love that He is doing that!

And having uploaded a ridiculous number of posts...

... I am pretty well caught up on summer. And summer is pretty much over, as I go back to work full time on Monday.

I'll be here periodically, I'm sure. After all, I have to vent somewhere. But my attention goes back to school after a nice 15-year SAHM run. So, if you are just itching to see what some high school journalism class blogging looks like, come on over and visit me at Journalism Class.

Grace and peace, friends. And love... of course.

My new lunch box...

Everything old is new again...

For years I talked about my time as a teacher. Past tense. I was a teacher. I taught six years. I coached cheerleading five years. I had babies. I quit teaching. I worked as an assistant to a collegiate cheerleading coach and choreographer who ran a cheer gym, cheer camps, cheer competitions and started his own line of cheerleading apparel.

Then I got my real estate license and sold houses. Then I did lots of volunteer ministry stuff. Then I taught journalism at our kids' Christian school.

Which brings us to now.

Now I am going back to work full time. And all the old things... the lesson plans, the grading, the conferences, the meetings, the psychological exhaustion at the end of the day, the housework that is still there even though I'm not, all those things are new again.

When my kids head back to school in a few weeks, so will I. I'll be there all day, just like they are. I can hardly wrap my mind around what that is going to look like. Yet one thing is becoming abundantly clear.

I'm not going to be blogging with any consistency at all. Sort of like this month. When life is relaxed, the creativity flows. When life is planned down to the minute, not so much. I've been reading 7th and 9th grade literature. Interesting. Truly. But I haven't had time to blog.

While this blog is a little like the hand-in-the-bucket-of-water, the one that I really will miss is the Christmas blog. Sadly to say, there is no way that I can Celebrate Christmas in the blogosphere this year. So if you are one of the Friends who celebrated Christmas with us last year by contributing to the blog, I would love to hand it over to someone else. Posting a holiday blog everyday from early November through early January isn't for the faint of heart. But it is a huge blessing. Interested? Shoot me an email. :)