Super cool...

I can't believe I cried...

We were talking in my ninth grade English class about a writing prompt the kids had done last week while I was "evaluating" speakers at a speech run-off.

(As if I really evaluated anything. It was much more like two really brilliant ladies let me sit at the end of the table and smile. They know FAR more than I do about oral interp and original speeches.)

A student new to our school volunteered to share her response to this: What novel/movie that you have recently read/seen best represents the world in which you live? Having a life experience decidedly uncharacteristic of 98% of the rest of the students, she wrote about a novel that chronicles the experience of a teenager living in an American ghetto. Violence, addiction, and fear rule the protagonist's world.

I felt like I needed to validate what my student wrote because there's no way most of the other kids in my class will ever see that life for real. I wanted them to know that it IS real. I started sharing with them about my time teaching in the public schools. And then I cried.

I taught in a wonderful school, but it was a very real-world school. At least three students I knew from back in the day have lost their lives in drug deals. One was a standout swimmer. He was executed. The others were killed in "drug-related violence" ... whatever that means. Of those two, one was a writer. He took my Writer's Workshop class when he was in 10th or 11th grade. He loved writing. And he had so much to say.

I remember when I learned he had been killed. I read it in a newspaper. I sat there in shock and thought, "This can't be our kid. No way." But it was. Same last name. Same brother. Same high school. Same graduation year.

He was so smart and never ever disrespectful in any way. He had a tender heart. Drugs and guns ended all that.

And as I shared about him, my eyes started tearing up. Oh my word. It's been years. Why now? I have to teach the opening chapters of To Kill a Mockingbird. What on earth? I grabbed a tissue, and then it just came out...

"I'm so sorry guys. Sob, sniff. I am so sorry. We loved those kids so much. And they died. They would have been in their mid-thirties now. We poured out lives into those kids. Lots of times the Lord calls people to China and Singapore and other 'undisclosed southeast Asian countries,' but He called us for a time to the public schools. We loved those kids. We shared Jesus with those kids. It was our ministry.

"And I never thought I'd go back to teaching, but here I am. And I love you too. And I pray for you, and I'm so, so scared for you. I want more than anything for you to know Jesus and love Jesus and walk with Jesus, and you've all heard it before. You've heard everything and you know everything and it means nothing to so many of you. You're immune. There's no impact. You don't even hear the words anymore. And that scares me for you more than any drug deal going bad used to scare me for the public school kids. This is real. This is life. I want you to love Jesus because He is the only thing that matters. At all."

You make me smile...

Kelsey and I went out for a little driving practice, and she brought her iPod Touch. She said she had a playlist of songs I'd like. This was my favorite. It made me smile. SHE made me smile.

Should we stay or should we go...

We've been contemplating a move. Our house, as it seems, is just too big to manage since I've gone back to work.

We've always loved transforming houses, and this one seemed perfect... all the big stuff was done (new hardwoods added and old hardwoods refinished, new carpet, stained trim painted, popcorn ceilings smoothed), but it was still full of potential for decorating and redesigning. So we bought it. But all that transformation takes time and money, and we have a surplus of neither at the moment.

We thought we'd always host youth events from church, but that hasn't worked out so well either.

And we desperately miss our old neighbors, who were some of our dearest friends. For some reason, we've never really "clicked" in the new neighborhood. I think it's a lot harder to sink roots as the kids get older. It seems like kids bring neighbors together, and once they're all teenagers, they're all off playing sports and hanging out with friends. I can't begin to tell you how much I miss hearing a tap on my garage door and seeing Joy's face peeking in as she turns the knob and says, "Got a minute to visit?" Or how much I miss looking out the front window and seeing the light on across the street. I knew Tina was working late too and it made the night seem not quite so lonely.

So... NOW I'm up late at night surfing the MLS for houses. We're praying. Who knows...
It seems like moving closer to the school (which incidentally means a move closer to Jimmy's new territory) would be wise. We are back and forth A LOT. But the market is down and we'd lose a ton of money selling now. And I'm a little tired of putting our house on the market as soon as we finally finish fixing it up the way we want it.

Who am I kidding? I don't have time to think about this. I've got to finish planning my Treasure Island unit! Avast ye mateys... land ho! Arggggg...