When the high school prom turns into middle school meanness--or not...

A senior girl has risen as the class leader this year at our school. She is a dynamo, coordinating everything from senior girls prayer groups to silly games of assassin to unofficial (but fun and harmless) class pranks that appeared during powderpuff.  She even began a tradition called the Academy Awards. Held in the fall, this non-school-sponsored event brought all the senior girls together at a ceremony where every single young lady in the class received an award for the thing that makes her shine. Where the school isn't the sponsor, she has coordinated events through her church.

She is a young woman of prayer, and you can tell from her Facebook and Twitter that she steeps herself in God's Word. She is fearless. I, personally, stand in awe of her. She's done more in a year of leading her senior class than I've seen grown women do in years of leading women's ministry.

As I watched in amazement and tried to figure out why and how she's changed a group of petty, gossipy girls into a band of sisters who are serious about their faith, I realized it falls on two things: heartbreak and heartache. Heartbreak that the girls were shallow in faith and love. Heartache that longs for something better.  And did I mention that she is fearless?

In the Prama season, this girl started a Facebook group for girls at our school wanting to avoid drama surrounding their dresses. It is a closed group, but any girl from our school can join by requesting an invitation. It is not at all meant to be exclusive, and it has already filtered out MUCH potential conflict.

And the really super-cool thing is that it's not a place where people are snide and snippy about who looks better in what. It's been a forum of encouragement.  Comments are like:

• "Beautiful"
• "You are so gorgeous!" 
• "You look like a princess!"
• "Oh my word! Wait until [your date] sees you in that! He is going to be speechless!"
• "Stunning!"
• "So classy and elegant!"
• "Wow! You are magnificent!"

This young lady, through prayer and reliance on God's Word, has led the young ladies of her class into a metamorphosis of sorts. And like all metamorphosis processes in nature, this one has to have been designed by the Creator. Nothing can change hearts so radically and completely as His Spirit. She is living proof that transformation in a group starts with one willing heart full of passion for her Lord. (I mean, let's get real: if she had attempted this on her own agenda and in her own strength, she would have been eaten alive. She was  burdened, and she was obedient.)

So, here's to you, friend... you are quite the warrior princess in your Father's Kingdom. Thanks for being fearless.

Because it's...

Happy Songs Playlist right along with Drake Bell and Big Time Rush. That's all I'm sayin'.

You so funny!...

It is hilarious how people are trying to find the Perfect Princess Prom Dress. When you google "Mango Tango," this is the dress that comes up most frequently.

It is princessy. It is prommy. It is NOT Kelsey's dress. Not even close.

The variety of things you can do with tulle is kind of amazing, though. 

Quest for the dress - Post Script: The M/D Code...

Now that we've  looked at Kelsey's final four-ish prom dresses, let's take a look at some that I really liked that Kelsey pretty much hated. We are contractually obligated not to love exactly the same dresses unless it turns out to be THE dress.  It's part of the M/D Code.

 Number 3

Why I like it:  How can you ever go wrong with classic black? 

Add sparklies and a whimsical fabric for the skirt, 

and you have a dress that screams sophisticated fun.

 

Why Kelsey doesn't like it:  Black is boring. 

Number 2

Why I like it: What looks more like a ballerina princess than a 

beautiful pink satin dress with a sweetheart neckline and jeweled accents?

 Why Kelsey doesn't like it:  It's a pink ballerina princess dress. Ew.

  Number 1 

Gorgeous flowing ballgown in the turquoise/aqua family that 

Kelsey loves so much. Sweetheart/halter neckline with jeweled accents and jeweled waistband.

Why Kelsey doesn't like it: Isn't that Jasmine's dress? A Disney princess? Really?

Quest for the dress - Part 3: The Final Four...

I suppose this is a chickie version of March Madness. :)

Third runner-up

Since Kelsey liked it enough to put it on the final list, I'm just going to keep my comments brief: not my favorite. The Mother/Daughter Code calls for a certain amount of disagreement regarding dress styles. Otherwise we lose our M/D Code membership cards. It had a great price, though!

Second runner-up

It's hard to see in the picture, but the skirt has a iridescent shimmer to it. The bodice is covered in jewels, not sequins. And it doesn't hurt that the model's hair is very close to Kelsey's hairstyle. Kelsey doesn't have quite that much auburn in her hair, though.

First runner-up...

also known as 

"The Perfect Princess Prom Dress that took 12 weeks for delivery"

Yes, the Perfect Princess Prom Dress. Kelsey absolutely fell in love with this dress. We ordered it immediately. Within two days we discovered it would take our order 12 weeks for delivery. I called another formal wear website. Same story. I called another and another and another. I emailed even more. After a few days, I realized no one had ever carried it in stock. It was special order everywhere, and special order meant around 12 weeks to make and deliver.

Talk about prama. I had to tell my baby girl that the Perfect Princess Prom Dress she had posted on the Facebook group wall, the one everyone had told her would be the greatest dress ever for her, wasn't going to happen this year. Even her chemistry teacher pulled her aside to console her. We were all heartbroken.

But we hit the internet again. The second and third runners-up were ones Kelsey said would be fine instead of the Perfect Princess Prom Dress. And then she headed out the door to Wednesday night youth group.

I continued the quest and shortly discovered the "In-Stock" and "Ready-to-Ship" categories of prom dresses. As I scrolled through literally hundreds of dresses (truly, it was probably well over a thousand), trying to find something similar to the Perfect Princess Prom Dress, I found something that I LOVED, but I wasn't so sure Kelsey would love it quite as much as I did. For one thing, it wasn't remotely the solid color she'd set as a must-have. It looked almost as if it were tie-dyed. And it had appliques with beads and sequins. It was very different from anything she'd put on "the list" so far.

When she got home from church, I said, "OK, here's one that's not really like anything you've liked so far, but it's different and really pretty. It's not aqua/turquiose/light teal/powder blue, but I really like it."

"Oh my! That is gorgeous! It's perfect! It's a Perfect Princess Prom Dress! I love it! Can I get it?" was the response. *HUGE SMILE FROM MOM*

They had ONE dress left in that style. ONE. And it was Kelsey's size. And it was on sale... for a lot less that anywhere else on the internet. (YES!)

You know, there are times when I think that the Lord is so big that He really doesn't need to be bothered by anything as silly as a high school girl's prom dress, yet in the midst of the prama, my prayer was that the Lord would lead us to the perfect dress He had for Kelsey. The same God Who created all the beauty of this world, Who is Himself altogether lovely and more beautiful that we can fathom, cares about a princess dress for the Junior/Senior. And in a way characteristic of His ways, He totally blew me away -- beyond all I (or Kelsey) hoped or dreamed, asked or imagined.

Wow. Just... wow.

We ordered it on Wednesday, and it arrived on Monday.

So...

The new and improved Perfect Princess Prom Dress is...

...waiting for Prom Day - April 15th. 

:)

Quest for the Dress - Part 2: Shop-at-home

When I mentioned to folks that we ordered a prom dress online, categorically the response was:  "WITHOUT TRYING IT ON?!"

Yep. We're risk-takers that way.

We came home and spent a few hours on the internet, tracking down the perfect dress. At one point Kelsey and I had dueling inboxes going on Facebook, which totally worked because we left a trail of dresses, should we ever need to backtrack.

I'd hate for those long hours of prama to go to waste, so I think I'll share some of the little treasures we accrued in the quest.

Top 20 lessons learned stalking prom dresses on the interwebs:

20. Not all modest dresses are labeled "modest dresses," and the ones that are labeled as "modest dresses" tend to err on the side of boo-ugly.

19. Multi-colored patterned fabric is a HUGE trend this prom season.

18. Kelsey hates multi-colored patterned fabrics.

17. A-line "princess" dresses are making a comeback this prom season, especially ones with tulle skirts.

16. Kelsey loves A-line "princess" dresses, especially ones with tulle skirts.

15. Online dresses are around 50% off dresses that are hanging in the prom dress store at the mall.

14. Nearly every manufacturer has a different size chart based on measurements. What is a size 6 with one designer is a size 12 with another. True story.

13. Directions for measuring vary from designer to designer. Some have pictures; some have words; some have videos. Following directions makes a difference. We got 1"-1 1/2" differences in measurements, depending on which directions we followed.

12. It is considerably easier to click a mouse than to park a full-sized SUV. [SANITY-SAVER ALERT!]

11. Searching under the general heading of "prom dresses" will net every dress a website could conceivably procure, not that those styles are currently available.

10. Every formal wear website that carries a special order dress that you, say, find to be the most perfect dress ever created orders those extra special gowns directly from the manufacturer. If it takes 12 weeks to get the dress through one website, it takes 12 weeks to get it from them all.

9. If you want a special order prom dress that takes 12 weeks to get, order it at least 12 weeks before the wear date. Four weeks before the wear date is not the same as 12 weeks.  12 > 4.  4 < 12. No matter how you try, you aren't going to be able to get it in fewer than 12 weeks. :(

8. Online formal wear stores have to check inventory and let you know whether the dress is available. They will sometimes email you with the information. Other times they will call.

7. Some people you talk to on the phone from online formal wear stores have Asian accents and speak Spanish to people in the background.

6. Many of the people you talk to on the phone from online formal wear stores have Brooklyn accents underlying every other accent.

5. Prom dress suppliers do not process the credit card information until the dress actually ships.

4. Once a sufficient number of prom dress websites have told you they can't get your perfect princess dream dress by the wear date, try searching their "In-Stock" or "Ready-to-Ship" inventory.  [Bonus tip 4A: A high percentage of "In-Stock" or "Ready-to-Ship" dresses are available at a significant discount off their already-50%-off-the-mall-prices online price.]

3. It would have been extremely helpful to know #4 at the beginning of the prom dress search.

2. Most dress companies offer free shipping, but it can take up to three weeks for the dress to arrive. Overnight delivery is somewhere in the neighborhood of $75.

1. You can look at 439,591 aqua/turquoise/light teal/powder blue dresses in every style imaginable, and you will end up ordering a dress that's "Mango Tango."

 Next time: The Final Four.

Quest for the dress -- Part 1: Mall Mania...

Once the date (as in boy, not calendar) was confirmed, we had to get to work on the dress.

Note to self: purchase next year's prom dress in January.

Things I've learned from the local prom dress search:

• Definitions of modest vary widely.
• Mall parking spaces are not designed for full-sized SUV's, driven by spacial relations-challenged women. 
• The prom dress shop at the mall is WAY OVERPRICED... as in need-a-second-mortgage-on-the-house overpriced.
• Department stores carry some seriously ugly (or seriously skanky) prom dresses.
• The amount of fabric in the dress seems to have no direct correlation with the price of the dress.
• I am pretty sure I had a ballet tutu in second grade that looked just like one of the prom dresses in the mall prom shop. 
• Store dresses are not at all clean or snag-free.

I found some pictures of dresses that represent the selection at the mall.

Hello, tutu!

Why, yes. That is camo print.

Between top slit and bottom slit, not a lot of fabric holds in stuff.

Yes, well...

Stabby sequins and out of dress code.

Prom dress shopping at the mall was a pretty big salt-and-light test for me. People were rude, grabby, profane, snide, snippy, and immodest. The prices were OH. MY. WORD. expensive. I kept thinking about Dave Ramsey and Samaritan's Purse. Dave Ramsey: don't let it be a budget-buster. Samaritan's Purse: have any idea how many people you could feed/ provide fresh water for/ share the gospel with for that much money?!

I found myself wrestling between wanting to give my princess the most beautiful, perfect prom dress in the history of all promdressdom and wanting not to miss the opportunity to focus on God's beauty as He shines through us. Store-bought beauty vs. heaven-sent beauty.

Sooo... between price, style, nondresscodeness, and the vast quantities of snagged fabric and makeup inside the dresses, we decided to go home and shop the interwebs.