Keepin' up with it...

The magic red envelope, holder of all user names and passwords, has retired. OK, it split in at least seven different places, and I was forced to get organized. I couldn't find one of those plastic index-card-holder boxes at Target, but I did find a (zillion) coupon holder (s).

So while American Idol was annoucing the voting results for the week (so long, Matt), I was getting my stuff together.

See...

Unless we see a bear, this concludes Wyld Kingdome...

... because even I am tired of this topic.

So... then on Saturday I was raking out the flower beds, clearing the accumulation of rotting leaves. I was on literally the last stretch. I'd gotten past the hose. I'd even moved two of the three sprinklers (because we're old skool and don't have an irrigation system). And, of course, I got to the third and there he was. I'm not naming him. I'm not posting a picture. Because I have no love for any of them. But you can click here and see someone else's picture of the slithery critter.

So I just quit looking closely at ... nature. Then on Monday, Zack and I came home from school and went poolside to talk to Jimmy, who was trying to figure out why the water was still. so. very. GREEN. And sunning on the step leading to the pool deck was a little baby version of the slithery thing living in our courtyard.

I think I'm about done with reptiles.

Videos that make you go hmmmm...

This time it's not because they're stupid. Actually, it's totally the opposite.

My friend, Suzanne, posted a link on my Facebook to a great You Tube video about how we regularly mangle the language. Suzanne thinks. A lot. She's really smart. She even taught her hamsters how to use a litter box. She was a psych major. I did well not to un-house-train the dog when we got her.

So I kinda got into the What You Ought To Know series on You Tube. It started with this:





And then I watched this:



And next thing I knew, I spent a couple of hours watching lots of videos that really made me think. So I went to their website:

http://www.whatyououghttoknow.com/.

Then I got sad because I found out they ran out of money and are taking a break. Maybe forever. No money'll do that to ya.

So, if you get a chance, toodle over and give a few of the clips a watch. I highly recommend "Bailout! Bailout!" and "Gay Marriage" (the video, not the practice) and "Liberals vs. Conservatives." Not saying that I agree 100% with EVERYTHING he says, but I am 100% behind the idea that we need to be thinking. This is absolutely not the time to be living life in the passive lane.

The Returne of Wyld Kingdome... Part 2

It's never a good thing to close your eyes and duck while driving a car.

Yet that's what I did Friday night. Folks, this weekend Marlin Perkins (were he still alive) would have LOVED being in our 'hood.

It was a dark and calm night. Kelsey had a Sunday school class social halfway across town. Jimmy was on massive may-cause-drowsiness antihistamines/histamine-blockers (whatever), meaning he was sitting in his recliner in a near-coma state. The boys were watching new episodes of the Penguins of Madagascar and building Lego-based instruments of destruction in the playroom.

I had cooked dinner, taken Kelsey to the social (where she rather unceremoniously forbade me to walk her to the door in a scarily teenage tone... I'm not bitter, much), swung by the HT to pick up a few things for our traditional Saturday big breakfast, run into a friend and chatted long enough to ruin her ice cream and give her an idea for a new business, come home and unpacked the groceries and eaten dinner (in four minutes), and gone back halfway across town to pick up Kelsey from said social event.

We had a rather uneventful trip home. Until we turned onto the main street running through our neighborhood. As we breezed down the road, I caught sight of a massive grayish whitish object heading towards our car from the left. It had brownish speckles mixed in. It was flying through the air, and just before I closed my eyes, I saw it directly in front of the windshield. Wings spanning the entire width of the front glass. Body, somewhere around two feet tall and rather thick. Then I closed my eyes, ducked down, and hit the brakes. I have no idea what I thought the ducking would accomplish. Nor closing my eyes while I was driving. There may have been screams, too.

Thankfully we didn't hit it or anything else.

At first I though it was a hawk. There are hawks around. But hawks are pretty much daytime critters. This one was definitely a nocturnal predator. As my heard rate dropped from one of the better cardio bursts I've had in a while, I realized: owl.

Kelsey and I shook and shrieked and described the encounter, loudly, the rest of the way home. We pulled into the driveway and just sat. Neither of us wanted to get out of the car, but finally I laughed and said, "I'm not scared. Come on. I have to walk around the car. You, at least, have a straight shot out your door to the house." So I got out and started walking around the back of the Suburban. About the time I got even with the license tag on the back, swoop, another grayish whitish feathery bird with brownish speckles came barrelling by. Kelsey was on the porch, I screamed and ran to the porch, and we both lunged inside.

I woke Jimmy and had him take Pepper out before bed, not wanting her to end up as an appetizer.

Except for the odd dreams about being chased by owls, thus ends Close Encounter #2 in the saga of life in Wyld Kingdome.

The Returne of Wyld Kingdome...Part 1

Spelling the title this way makes it look so... literary.

OK... Friday, I was pulling weeds (which as irony would have it weren't actually weeds, but fescue that had sprouted in our flowerbeds as the result of over-zealous seeding on SOMEONE's part) in the space between the driveway and the courtyard fence. The soil was so rich that it took little effort at all to dislodge the grass clumps and toss them into the pile. About the only effort I had to expend was walking back to the pile as I moved further away from it.

For whatever reason, my loving husband, Jimmy, is of the let-everything-compost-where-it-falls-in-Autumn school, so the leaves on the natural areas are a bit... thick. [Please note: this is not a complaint, this time. Just a detail that relates to Close Encounter #1.] Remember that Friday was in the mid-upper 80's. It was sunny. It was warm, but not hot. It was a gorgeous day for digging and sunning. And weeding.

I had gotten about halfway from the courtyard gate to the front sidewalk, yanked out a gigantic clump-o-fescue, and walked back to the weed pile and tossed the clump which hit with a mighty thud. At the same time, I heard a rustling in the accumulation of leaves against the corner of the house, about 3' away from the gate. I looked in the direction of the sound and there it was, some little black slithery thing trying to play peek-a-boo through a 3/4" hole in the the leaves.

It's a garden. There's a snake. I love God's Word. I hate the snake. I am a female. It's biblical.

[Aside: I changed my FB status to reflect the encounter, and JS made a comment that left me laughing hysterically.]

So... ewww...

I figured I'd just leave it alone and it'd go home. Unless, of course, our courtyard is its home. Nahhhh...

Holly-days...

You would totally love my friend, Holly. She is the school nurse at the Christian school where I teach journalism and my babies are students.

I didn't know Holly well the day we went to see our pediatrician because Zack had an allergic reaction to eating shrimp. But that day the doctor, who went to middle school with Jimmy, and I were discussing a note the allergist gave us for the school nurse. After he realized what school we went to, Dr. G said, "Oh, I know that school nurse. She's awesome! You don't need to worry one bit. She is the perfect school nurse. " Seems Dr. G takes a turn at being camp physician at the same Down East YMCA summer camp where Holly has spent her summers being camp nurse. So he knew her very well.

He was right. Holly IS the perfect school nurse. She is the optimal blend of sweet, caring, walk-you-down-to-the-office-and-wait-with-you-until-your-mom-gets-there-when-you-really-are-sick and "So when did your stomach start hurting? As the teacher was handing out the test? Did it hurt last night? this morning when you woke up? earlier in the day? What did you eat for breakfast/lunch? Now that you're in here, how to you feel?" She is shrewd and has an uncanny ability to distinguish between anxiety and a norovirus. And she never tells anyone they can't go home, but somehow, the ones who really aren't sick usually end up feeling better after they see her and they go back to class and, remarkably, make it through the test and the rest of the day. I am in awe of Holly.

She has four kids, three boys and one girl. The oldest is in seventh grade. The youngest, second. She loves being a mom and adores taking care of her husband, her children and her home. She even loves to cook.

Holly and I were talking in the Teachers' Workroom this morning about how she handles all her family duties balanced against a full time job. When we were talking about working all day and then coming home to cook dinner and do homework in the evenings, Holly shared an idea that I told her I was gonna have to blog about.

Sunday is her cooking day for the week. On Sunday afternoons, each kid in the family (remember: 3 boys, 1 girl; 2nd grade - 7th grade) cooks a meal that the family will eat during the week. Then they store them until the appropriate night, and all Holly has to do is come home and heat it up.

Holly says it takes about two hours, total, to cook all the meals. They all get in the kitchen as a family. She gets to teach her kids how to cook and at the same time prepare for the week ahead so that when they get home from school/work, the can focus on homework and each other. She says it takes a ton of stress off of her and she's loving the time to teach her own kids. Isn't that SO cool?!

I never ceased to be amazed as the number of godly women I get to meet. How blessed I am to have such awesome friends.

More Idol thoughts...

Well... in real time, Lil is out and Anoop and Allison are on the uncomfortable slidey stools. And here's what I'm thinking about the guy who shares the same hometown with my alma mater...

Dude... I got two words for you: Bucky Covington.

That oughta get him through the night.

Headlines that make you go hmmm...

1. Alaskan Middle School Students Scare Moose to Death

I know it's tragic, poor moose and all, but this sounds a lot like a Monty Python skit gone horribly wrong.


2. Researcher Uses His Thoughts to Update Twitter

OK... Had he been tweeting someone else's thoughts when updating Twitter until now? I almost always use my thoughts when I'm updating Twitter. Unless I'm re-tweeting, and even then, I think to do that.

3. How to Buy Souvenirs That You'll Want to Remember

Seriously? Isn't a souvenir--you know, by definition--something you buy because you want to remember?

Be G.O.O.D.

We have a new saying around here. We've gotta "Be G.O.O.D." (which stands for Getting Out Of Debt). Nothing like having a little national credit crisis to make you whip your own household in order. I mean, how can I complain about the government when I'm living with my own deficit, right?

A couple of months ago we had the perfect storm. National financial crisis + job change for Jimmy + Women's Ministry newsletter topic of stewardship = serious look in the financial mirror.

[If you sent in something for Overflow, thanks! I'm a little unclear myself as to whether we will publish it. I sorta doubt we will. Cost-cutting measures at church have led us to take a year's hiatus in the mail out, but I'm not 100% certain when we were planning to start that hiatus. So, sorry if we don't get to publish your contribution, but thanks for submitting it because it made a difference in my life personally.]

My sweet friend, Tina, wrote a brilliant article for Overflow about how to handle family finances. It was written from a personal perspective, using examples from her own household. It's really good. [Hey Tina, you need to put that on your blog. It's very helpful!] In the process of writing, Tina mentioned Dave Ramsey to me. Ironically, I had started listening to Dave Ramsey on our local talk radio station. He just happens to be on when I'm driving home from my little teaching job. I had also seen his name on the e-mealz site that revolutionized our food budget. So one night I decided to check out Dave's website. There I discovered his Total Money Makeover. And life changed.

Dave's main idea is that if you get out of debt, you have plenty of income to have fun, invest and give away. Can you imagine what your personal finances would be if you had no debt at all... not even a house payment? His catch phrase is "If you live like no one else, later you can live like no one else." We decided to take him up on that challenge.

I'll keep you posted on how it goes. So far, we have discovered where our money is, what it is doing, and we've even made a budget. I know! That is so NOT us. We've had them before but never actually used them. :-) But we're using this one... really! We're following Dave's baby steps and are on the "Debt Snowballing" step now.

It's exciting and we're having so much fun. I am blown away by how our spending habits have changed already. Our combined food bill (groceries + eating out) is down $400 since we began e-mealz. I think it's not so much because of the savings at the grocery store, although that's there, but mainly because we have a plan. No more eating fast food 3-4 times a week because I failed to plan. What a relief!

Dave's got a nationwide "Town Hall for Hope" program going on this Thursday night. Check out his website for details. I have a feeling it's going to rock!

To the beach and back...

We've been on Spring Break this week. Ahhhhh... (heavy sigh of relief... tension ebbing... blood pressure falling... facial muscles curving into a smile... sparkle returning to eyes... general sense of well-being dominating emotional landscape...)

Nothing like a little time apart from the rest of the world to help you recover from a manic schedule and refresh your perspective on life.

We have little property located about 100 yards from the ocean that we've used as a get-away for the past four years. When we bought it, our kids were younger and much, much smaller. If you have little kids now, you're going to have to trust me on this: they get bigger. Much, much bigger.

I can remember when we could have had all three sleep on the queen-size sleeper sofa together. Then we entered the girl-wants-her-own-bed zone. Then the big-brother-hates-getting-pummelled-by-the-little-brother territory. So one queen-size sleeper sofa turned to one queen-size sleeper sofa plus an Aerobed. Then there was one sofa-bed-not-folded-out paired with two Aerobeds. And everyone had their own tiny bit of space. Of course, then we had to climb through a major obstacle course to get to the door, too.

So about a year ago, we decided that size, schedules, and school tuition bills necessitated putting the condo on the market. We had mixed emotions, but truly left it at the foot of the cross for whatever the Lord had planned. In six months we had two showings. It's a cute place too. And we priced it moderately. Not low, mind you, but moderately. No offers, but lots of glowing feedback. Did I mention that there were no offers?

We let the listing expire and weathered the winter, waiting on spring to come to re-list.

On Easter Monday, I emailed April, our Realtor (Cool, huh? The month is April. Our Realtor is April...), and told her we were coming down from Tuesday through Saturday and wanted to re-list.

Oh, one detail that I omitted was that we also tried to rent it out. We spoke with three different property management companies and were horribly unimpressed with each. One didn't want another one-bedroom condo to lease. One took days to return our calls. One had three personnel changes in one month, so we had no idea what was going on. Thus, the waiting through the winter.

OK... back to April (the month and the Realtor)... as an add-on in the email,I told April we would pursue a rental but we'd had no success in finding property managers.

There are a lot more details in the story that I'm going to leave out, but here's the short version. One of April's listings is under contract and scheduled to close at the end of... well... April. The owner's daughter (her name is CJ) had been living in the unit and needed a place to move. She found an icky condo with pink walls and carpet that she could afford but was going to have to re-decorate before moving in. Just before she signed the lease, April told her about our condo. She showed it to her (and her parents came along to see it), and CJ (and her parents) loved it. We signed a lease with CJ on Saturday. We are thrilled.

CJ calls herself a Beach Girl, and she truly adores the beach. Like me. She's a wound-care nurse in a long term care facility. She has a quiet and gentle spirit. She doesn't smoke or party. Her dog lives with her parents, so he won't be staying in the condo. She has a boyfriend who has his own place and she assured us he won't be living with her. He will be coming by to surf, though, as our condo is located right across from the primo surf break of our beach. She is excited about moving in; we are grateful for the Lord's provision!

Two favors we'd love to ask of YOU, though:

1) Will you pray that CJ will have a peaceful, safe, joy-filled time living in our condo?

2) If you EVER hear of anyone wanting to purchase property on the southeastern NC coast, give them April's contact information. Her website is here.

I can't say enough about April. She has been amazing. She connected us with CJ and created what she called a "win-win" situation. CJ's family has worked with April off and on for ten years, so CJ came with glowing recommendations based on a long-term relationship with her. April was concerned for us that we would take a huge loss if we sell now, so she was thrilled to give us another year to let the market recover. And for coordinating this lease agreement, April gets... nothing more than personal satisfaction of helping out two sets of people.

NC Real Estate Commission rules are very picky about compensation terms. While I can't even give April a gift certificate to a nice restaurant as a "thank you" without getting her in trouble with the Commission, I CAN promise to recommend her to everyone I know. :-)

Once again, we thought we knew what to do, but we are blessed that the Lord has plans and resources we can't even fathom. God is faithful!

So you CAN upload a post from a BlackBerry. I just did!

Hosanna Forever!

The broke-down Suburban that caught on fire...

The Sacrifice...

1 Then the entire assembly stood up and took him to Pilate. 2 They began to accuse Jesus by saying, "We found that he stirs up trouble among our people: He keeps them from paying taxes to the emperor, and he says that he is Christ, a king." 3 Pilate asked him, "Are you the king of the Jews?" "Yes, I am," Jesus answered. 4 Pilate said to the chief priests and the crowd, "I can't find this man guilty of any crime." 5 The priests and the crowd became more forceful. They said, "He stirs up the people throughout Judea with his teachings. He started in Galilee and has come here." 6 When Pilate heard that, he asked if the man was from Galilee. 7 When Pilate found out that he was, he sent Jesus to Herod. Herod ruled Galilee and was in Jerusalem at that time. 8 Herod was very pleased to see Jesus. For a long time he had wanted to see him. He had heard about Jesus and hoped to see him perform some kind of miracle. 9 Herod asked Jesus many questions, but Jesus wouldn't answer him. 10 Meanwhile, the chief priests and the scribes stood there and shouted their accusations against Jesus. 11 Herod and his soldiers treated Jesus with contempt and made fun of him. They put a colorful robe on him and sent him back to Pilate. 12 So Herod and Pilate became friends that day. They had been enemies before this.
13 Then Pilate called together the chief priests, the rulers, and the people. 14 He told them, "You brought me this man as someone who turns the people against the government. I've questioned him in front of you and haven't found this man guilty of the crimes of which you accuse him. 15 Neither could Herod. So he sent this man back to us. This man hasn't done anything to deserve the death penalty. 16 So I'm going to have him whipped and set free." [17 -appears only in some manuscripts and translations - At every Passover festival the governor had to set someone free for them.] 18 The whole crowd then shouted, "Take him away! Free Barabbas for us." 19 (Barabbas had been thrown into prison for his involvement in a riot that had taken place in the city and for murder.) 20 But because Pilate wanted to free Jesus, he spoke to the people again. 21 They began yelling, "Crucify him! Crucify him!" 22 A third time Pilate spoke to them. He asked, "Why? What has he done wrong? I haven't found this man deserving of the death penalty. So I'm going to have him whipped and set free." 23 But the crowd pressured Pilate. They shouted that Jesus had to be crucified, and they finally won. 24 Pilate decided to give in to their demand. 25 He freed Barabbas, who had been put in prison for rioting and murdering, because that's what they wanted. But he let them do what they wanted to Jesus.
26 As the soldiers led Jesus away, they grabbed a man named Simon, who was from the city of Cyrene. Simon was coming into Jerusalem. They laid the cross on him and made him carry it behind Jesus. 27 A large crowd followed Jesus. The women in the crowd cried and sang funeral songs for him. 28 Jesus turned to them and said, "You women of Jerusalem, don't cry for me! Rather, cry for yourselves and your children! 29 The time is coming when people will say, 'Blessed are the women who couldn't get pregnant, who couldn't give birth, and who couldn't nurse a child.' 30 Then people will say to the mountains, 'Fall on us!' and to the hills, 'Cover us!' 31 If people do this to a green tree, what will happen to a dry one?"
32 Two others, who were criminals, were led away to be executed with him. 33 When they came to the place called The Skull, they crucified him. The criminals were also crucified, one on his right and the other on his left. 34 Then Jesus said, "Father, forgive them. They don't know what they're doing." Meanwhile, the soldiers divided his clothes among themselves by throwing dice. 35 The people stood there watching. But the rulers were making sarcastic remarks. They said, "He saved others. If he's the Messiah that God has chosen, let him save himself!" 36 The soldiers also made fun of him. They would go up to him, offer him some vinegar, 37 and say, "If you're the king of the Jews, save yourself!" 38 A written notice was placed above him. It said, "This is the king of the Jews." 39 One of the criminals hanging there insulted Jesus by saying, "So you're really the Messiah, are you? Well, save yourself and us!" 40 But the other criminal scolded him: "Don't you fear God at all? Can't you see that you're condemned in the same way that he is? 41 Our punishment is fair. We're getting what we deserve. But this man hasn't done anything wrong." 42 Then he said, "Jesus, remember me when you enter your kingdom." 43 Jesus said to him, "I can guarantee this truth: Today you will be with me in paradise."
44 Around noon darkness came over the entire land and lasted until three in the afternoon. 45 The sun had stopped shining. The curtain in the temple was split in two. 46 Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Father, into your hands I entrust my spirit." After he said this, he died. 47 When an army officer saw what had happened, he praised God and said, "Certainly, this man was innocent!" 48 Crowds had gathered to see the sight. But when all of them saw what had happened, they cried and returned to the city. 49 All his friends, including the women who had followed him from Galilee, stood at a distance and watched everything.
50 There was a good man who had God's approval. His name was Joseph. He was a member of the Jewish council, 51 but he had not agreed with what they had done. He was from the Jewish city of Arimathea, and he was waiting for the kingdom of God. 52 He went to Pilate and asked for the body of Jesus. 53 After he took it down from the cross, he wrapped it in linen. Then he laid the body in a tomb cut in rock, a tomb in which no one had ever been buried. 54 It was Friday, and the day of worship was just beginning. 55 The women who had come with Jesus from Galilee followed closely behind Joseph. They observed the tomb and how his body was laid in it. 56 Then they went back to the city and prepared spices and perfumes. But on the day of worship they rested according to the commandment.

Things I'm thinking about...

... while waiting for Kellie Pickler to come on the American Idol results show. And a little after that too.

************************************************************************

-the new season of Deadliest Catch starts Tuesday, April 14th. Yay!

-Shoot... I forgot to buy paper towels.

-I really like Kellie Pickler's song "Don't You Know You're Beautiful."

-For goodness sake, somebody help Scott to the other side of the stage.

-Those are some seriously weird stools. How do you sit on them without sliding off?

-Is "disembowel" the right word for what Pepper just did to the stuffed pink and green bone?

-Zane looks just like Jimmy when he falls asleep on the sofa.

-What on Earth is Pepper doing?!

-"I'm a cat. I'm a kitty cat. And I dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance."

-Are underwear-shoppers the dominant demographic for American Idol?

-There is no movie in theaters that makes me want to walk on those sticky floors.

-Adam Lambert's name is just one letter off of Adam Lamberg's name. Adam Lamberg played Gordo on Lizzie McGuire.

-How did I ever watch TV without being able to Google stuff?

-Why gloves? That's odd.

-I still miss Jason Castro. Wonder why his brother didn't make it on the show. I wanna watch "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." YouTube!

-I'd really love to learn to play the ukulele. And surf. But not at the same time.

-I wish we could sell the condo. Now.

-Hummm... that was a little pitchy. Careful how close you move to that camera.

-Anoop. In or out? I hate they way Ryan announces stuff. It's so confusing. That ... plus the fact that I can't sing ... keeps me off American Idol.

-OK... bedtime.

-Wonder where Kelsey's track uniform is. Third night in a row - emergency load of laundry.

-Wish I knew where Jake's sister got his "got championships?" shirt.

-How warm is it supposed to get tomorrow?

-Would the extra cost to overnight a megalodon tooth be worth the squeal of delight in the Easter basket?

-Wal-Mart. Tomorrow.

-Sleep. Tonight.

-"Jesus the One and Only" first.

-Night.

Hark the sound...

My alma mater won a big game last night. Congratulations 2009 NCAA Men's Basketball National Champions: THE University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill Tar Heels!!!

Hark the sound of Tar Heel voices

Ringing clear and True

Singing Carolina's praises

Shouting N.C.U.

Hail to the brightest

Star of all

Clear its radiance shine

Carolina priceless gem,

Receive all praises thine.



I'm a Tar Heel born

I'm a Tar Heel bred

And when I die

I'm a Tar Heel dead.

So it's RAH, RAH,

Car'lina 'lina

RAH, RAH,

Car'lina 'lina

RAH, RAH,

Car'lina

RAH! RAH! RAH!

Easter egg tree...

I always wanted to have an Easter egg tree, and thanks to Zack and our friend Julia, we have have one this year.

The boyz and their power toyz...

The shade from the trees was harshing on the mellow of our nice green lawn. Thus, they had to go. Just three of them. We got an estimate to take them down, but, seriously, paying someone to make something not-there anymore seemed ridiculous. It's like the whole point is having (literally) nothing to show for all that money. That's just not right.

So... Jimmy and the boyz took 'em down...

Top Ten Southern Foods...

10. Home-grown tomatoes. If you haven't walked into a field, picked a tomato (warm to the touch from the hot summer sun), brushed off the dirt and eaten it like an apple, you really haven't ever eaten a tomato. Growing up, tomatoes made an appearance at every meal... breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

9. Watermelon. Admittedly, I've never busted one open on a rock and eaten it in the field, but my daddy did have a pocket knife that worked just fine to cut up a watermelon fresh off the vine. Mmmmmmmmm... I can smell that fresh-sliced watermelon now. It's a social food in the South. Shoot, all food is social food, but watermelon is the super-fun social food. Salt it, spit seeds, smash the rinds...there's no end to the entertainment that can come via watermelons.

8. Sweet potato pie. Sorta like pumpkin pie, only better.

7. Strawberry custard pie. With fresh, slightly over-ripe strawberries. Mmmmmm...

6. Grits. They're just perfect. And contrary to My Cousin Vinny, instant grits are just fine. No breakfast is complete without scrambled eggs, grits, sausage/bacon and grits. Biscuits are optional at breakfast. Grits are mandatory.

5. Biscuits. I have been an eyewitness and can personally verify that not all biscuits come from a cylinder. I've seen my Granny whip up a batch of homemade biscuits, bake them, and serve them for dinner. It can be done. I won't likely ever do it, but it CAN be done.

4. Home-grown cantaloupe and cucumbers. I can make myself sick eating fresh cucumbers and cantaloupe. Cantaloupe, like tomatoes, can make an appearance at any meal. Cucumbers are beyond-words plain. I'm OK with the vinegar thing, but if you're going to pickle cucumbers, just go ahead a pickle them all the way. Grape leaf cucumber pickles are my favorite of all the homemade pickles. Cucumber sandwiches are THE best: white bread, Kraft Real Mayonnaise (on both pieces), a teeny tiny bit of salt, and a freshly sliced cucumber that's been off the vine less than 4 hours. Ahhh...

3. Greens: collard, mustard, and turnip are my favorites. Some people really like Kale. I'm going to throw in cabbage because it's green and leafy too, even though it's not dark green and leafy. Some people put lots of vinegar on greens, but I like them best with the second top Southern food. And just for the record for our non-Southern friends who were totally flummoxed by the Facebook quiz going around, pot liquor is the juice left behind after you've cooked greens. You're going to have to make sure you have some, if you want to eat greens the right way, which is mixed with...

2. Cornbread. No, we don't make it in a frying pan. We always had a round cake pan we used, which worked quite nicely, thank you. Cornbread with greens and a couple of spoonfuls of pot liquor. Mmmmmm... The only time I get that anymore is when my mom cooks for us. No one around here likes greens or black-eyed peas.

1. Sweet Tea, iced - of course! Fresh-brewed and loaded with sugar. We rate all tea by the standard Granny set. If it is so sweet it sucks the water out of the rest of your body, it earns the comparison to "Granny Tea."